Podcast: Sex Offender By Association – A Personal Story

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Sex Offender By Association - A Personal Story

Do you have a loved-one on the sex offender registry? Is your life negatively affected because a loved-one is under SORNA restrictions? Millions of people are “Sex Offenders by Association” due to strident rules, public humiliation, and shame because of the registry. In this short podcast episode, I’ll read a letter from a wife who’s husband is on the sex offender database. Her life has been turned upside down by the registry.

The sex offender registry is punishment. I hope this letter brings more understanding to people all-over-the-world on how the registry only brings heartache, not public safety.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to the show.

A couple of weeks ago, I did a short episode on the sex offender registry and the collateral damage to families. And I wanted to expand on that a little bit. This episode is called “A Sex Offender by Association.” And so by that title, we know it’s either got to be a family member or a loved one or a friend talking about their experiences.

Okay. So I found a post on a support forum that I wanted to read. I’m not giving any private information away or anything like that. I just want you to listen to the story and do your best to put yourself in this woman’s shoes. Okay. So we’re going to start this story and we’ll go from there.

It reads…


“My life has been affected in so many ways because of the registry. I have never even received a speeding ticket. And yet I would classify myself as a sex offender by association. My husband committed his crime back in 2005 and served seven years in prison.

He has been on lifetime registration since 2005. He has not violated a single condition of his parole. I have lost relationships, family, and live my life day-to-day, just trying to stay under the radar to stay safe. I remind you that I have never even received a speeding ticket. I fear daily for the safety of myself and my husband because of the many people that believe that everyone on the registry is pure evil and are constantly looking for their next victim, and that vigilantes justice is okay. 

The registry does not take in consideration the collateral damage it creates for family members. I have recently filed police reports for individuals contacting me, posing to be detectives and police needing to know the location of my husband. There is so much fear in that because we don’t know what their intentions are.

This would not be happening if the registry did not exist. Currently I’m living in the Midwest. My husband is now homeless. I’ve had some very significant health issues over the last two years. The state that I live in does not have the medical services that I need, and my insurance would no longer cover me to go out of state for care.

So I needed to move to a state that I did. I am home bound. I am unable to drive and my husband is unable to be with me to help me with day to day because of the registry and all the stipulations that are linked to it. We found a home that falls within registry guidelines. And four months later, we are still waiting for the Department of Corrections to approve the address. Until then my husband has to stay in the West and we are using all of our finances to keep him in hotels.

I am so frustrated and saddened by this whole system. So many people are negatively affected by it. After serving their time, they have the right to make a life for themselves, to work, to have a home, and to have a family. For the families, they have the right to not live in fear, to have a family, and a home, and not to live a life where their rights and freedoms aren’t continually being taken from them.

It’s really sad to see the registry, which is based on false statistics. It has such a negative impact on so many people. I hope in my lifetime to see it abolished.” 

That is the letter that was posted. And as I read that, I’m saddened to hear what the wife and the registrant have to go through. You know, the United States Supreme Court has stated that the registry is not punishment.

Most districts, I think there was one district that had stated it is classified as punishment, but generally the country sees it as not punishment, but only used for admin purposes. But when you hear a story like this, how can you say that the registry is not punishment? It’s punishment.

It’s punishment for the registrant. Who has done the time already. And it’s a punishment for the families, for the moms, the dads, the children. This is one of many, many stories online that you can read. In fact, if you want to read more stories and you know, you can create an account or free account. You can give your advice. You can go womanagainstregistry.org, and they have a forum here that you can join. You can ask questions and help other people. It’s a great forum; a lot of support. Also something that I’ve noticed and I’ve been taking more in Reddit. I wasn’t really a fan of Reddit, but now I am, and there is actually a sex offender support group on there.

Just go to Reddit. Create a free account and search for “sex offender support”, and you’ll get a lot of advice and some stories there that may help you out depending on your situation. You’ll see my profile on there as well. And then again, you can contact me anytime. I can do my best to help give you advice depending on the situation that you’re going through.

Again, the registry is punishment and there are millions of people in the United States that are sex offenders by association. And of course that story tells the truth and it’s very heartbreaking. 

That’s my podcast for today. If you have any comments or suggestions, contact me, I’d love to hear from you..

My hope is to encourage registered citizens, former inmates in anyone facing stereotypes and social ostracism to move beyond society’s labels. Thanks for listening to the podcast. I’m The Outspoken Offender. You can find me on YouTube and Twitter. Remember you are not your label.

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